I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
