my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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