If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
