just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sober January is a disaster.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
