I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
