I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
