So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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