i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
