And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
