Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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