i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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