My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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