In the future we'll all be gay
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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