Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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