you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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