Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
