it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
