margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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