when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
