I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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