Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
