i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize