Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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