Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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