based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
