Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
