every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
