You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
