I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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