Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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