my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize