he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
