she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
