I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
