Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
