i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
