Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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