You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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