OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
