a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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