Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
