Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
