i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
