I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
