dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize