He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
