Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
