New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
