They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
