i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
