I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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