Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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