everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
