if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
