You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
