just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
