Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
