I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
