i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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