Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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