I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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