i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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