i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
