Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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