Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
