You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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