i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
