Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
