When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize