I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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