He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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