I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
