Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
