dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
