If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
