I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
