she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
